John and Tom

A hotch-potch collection of ideas, opinions and other gubbins

2005-06-17T15:31:00.000+01:00

(John) Well, it's now well over a year since this blog was born, and, frankly, the standard has slipped since our glory days of three posts on that first day. I must say, I'm a little concerned about Tom, he hasn't posted since the end of March. I realise my stndard hasn't been much higher, but I've managed a few at least. I think the blog needs a new start. I am going to call today B-Day, the day when tomandjohn is reborn. From today forwards, I vow to update regularly and I trust Tom to do the same. I am now back in England after my American excursions, which I can say without hesitation were the best two months of my life- good sights, good people, good food, good improv, good weather, good times. I went 36 hours without sleeping for the return journey, and had only had four hours sleep the night before, so had 16 hours straight last night. I return to Birmingham tomorrow for Tom and Deirdre's new plays. I look forward to getting back in the poker and improv scene (although I warn everyone i have been to Vegas, the home of poker, and Chicago, the home of improv, so I will probably blow you all away with my talents). I don't know, however, where I will be staying, my house contract runs out on Wednesday. I need to sort out my plans for next year. So far, here's what I've got: go to Edinburgh in August, go on holiday with school friends to Wales in September. I really need to work out what I'm doing after that. I don't know where I'll be or what I'll be doing. However, my American trip has taught to just go where the wind takes me and not plan ahead, so I shall do so. I see Improv Idol returned. I don't see how this is possible when I have the bulk of the plate used as the trophy last year. Those babies are one of a kind. Good to see we're on the Fringe and Underbelly websites, although I'm not happy Scriptease plays second fiddle to SS on the Underbelly's one. This has been quite a long post so I'll wrap up there. I wonder how many people actually read all of the post and how many just read the beginning and the end, and skimmed the rest. Oh, finally, go and see Crash. I saw it last week, it's the best film I've seen for ages (even better than the one I saw at a 3D film festival in Boston). Bye!

A First

2005-05-29T20:45:00.000+01:00

(John) Something unprecedented happened to me yesterday. For the first time in my life, I was full after eating a meal. Normally, when people complain of being 'stuffed' or 'full to the point of bursting', I don't really understand what they mean. Sure, eating fills a gap if i am hungry, but, generally speaking, after eating a meal, I am ready to eat something else pretty soon after. Not until yesterday did I truly grasp the concept of being so full that it physically hurts to walk, sit, or do just about anything. I went for a meal at TGI Friday's in Dallas (not a massive amount to see here, apart from the JFK assassination sites), and it was the biggest meal in the world. I had Bruschetta Chicken Pasta followed by Strawberry Cheesecake, and I literally struggled to walk afterwards. I thought I would never need to eat again. As it turned out, I got peckish again about 3 hours later, but, still, I had a moment of epiphany yesterday, even if it did only last for a couple of hours. Now, where did I put those crisps...?

Speed Blog

2005-05-21T03:53:00.000+01:00

(John) OK, here goes: life in America is progressing nicely, I am in the heart of Hollywood at the moment and celebrities I have seen so far include Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Jack Nicholson, Quentin Tarantino and Rob Schneider. I have been eating out ridiculous amounts, now I know why Americans are so fat. Next stop is Vegas, then across to the deep south. I'm looking forward to playing Texas Hold Em in Vegas. I am surviving on about 5 hours sleep a night, and 2 minutes posting on the blog. Time's up!

Notes From A Big Country

2005-05-04T22:47:00.000+01:00

(John) Well, I may have seen the Statue of Liberty, the Empiter State Building, the White House, and lots of other famous buildings, but only now, having endured a 17-hour bus journey from Washington to Chicago, and then lost my bag for three days, do I really feel I've experienced life as a traveller in America. Having got up at 6am, and then arrived in Chicago at 12.30am the next day, all I wanted to do was find my hostel and go to bed, but the bus officials contrived to lose my bag somehow. Fortunately, it has now been recovered, but I had to live a serious back-to-basics lifestyle for three days, surving on only the set of clothes I travelled in, a couple of books, and a pad of paper and pen. It was certainly a memorable experience, I can now really empathise with Jack Kerouac. Some things I have noticed about America thus far: people in cars like to beep their horns for no reason, dogs are friendlier, shops tend to try and outdo each other in terms of who has the best punning name (e.g Bloomingnails for a manicure place), girls love a guy with an English accent (I'll say no more on that one...), their sports are far, far, inferior, food is cheaper and bigger, the cities and public transport system are easier to navigate. Next stop is South Dakota (Mount Rushmore, etc), then on to California. Oh, and the weather's nicer, I'm working up quite a tan out here. All in all, life is sweet.

The first transatlantic post

2005-04-19T20:51:00.000+01:00

(John) What's happened? I go away to America and the blog goes into stasis. Tom, you need to learn to cope without me. I know it's hard, but you can get through this, and come out the other side stronger. Now then, buck up your ideas and get posting; blogs can live on bread alone (where bread is just one person posting). I have precious little time, as internet use is limited to half an hour, so I like to use as much of that time as possible looking at porn...er, I mean catching up on the news in England, so blogging may be sporadic from me over the next few weeks, but I'll post when i can. New York is amazing, I've been here five days so far, and have done more in those five days than I would normally do in five months. Plus, I still have six days to go here. Today's highlight included going up the Empire State Building and seeing the pub where Dylan Thomas drank himself to death. Tomorrow I'm going to the Museum of Sex and watching the New York Knicks basketball team at Madison Square Garden. Peace out.

Hair

2005-04-04T16:35:00.000+01:00

(John) Ever since I was little, I have had roughly the same haircut: fairly short, neat and tidy, nothing too flashy. I went through a phase of having it shaved very short when I was about 14, and it was very much in the 'pudding-bowl' mould when I was about seven (I swear to God I have a photo of me playing in the snow where it looks like I'm wearing a hat, until you realise in the next photo it's my hair), and I guess i style it a little more now than I did when I was younger, what with the use of gel every now and then, but, for the most part, it's remained the same for most of my life. It is therefore tempting, what with a two month trip to America approaching fast, to take one of two drastic steps: either shave it all off, thus saving me the hassle of having to worry about it at all on my trip, or let it grow long. Now, it's been about two months since i last had it cut, and so it's due for a snipping, but I'm severely tempted just to leave it. I may even go the whole hog and grow a beard as well. I figure I'm going back to basics a bit with the America thing, living life on the road, Kerouac-stylee, so maybe I should embrace the whole hippie/beatnik culture completely and leave the hair as nature intended. I would welcome any comments/suggestions.

The Ten Places of Blog

2005-03-25T12:15:00.000Z

(John) As far as I can remember, I have now posted on the blog in ten different locations: my house, Annabel's house, Cerys' house, 3C, the computer cluster in the uni library, the Central library in Brum, Sevenoaks library, Croydon library, the Basement of the Guild, the Mason Lounge. These will all pale into insignificance, however, when, my blogging goes Stateside and we have the first international John and Tom post. It will herald the dawn of a new age for the blog. On a separate note, when are you going home, Tom? The possibility of poker night next week was mooted by Neil and myself if you're going to be around.

Tom

2005-03-22T12:35:00.000Z

(John) I'm guessing Tom is busy with essays etc, which is why he hasn't been blogging recently, so here, in tribute, is my Top 5 things about Tom (a lot of these will go over the head of everyone bar Tom himself): 5. Step down, step down. 4. Middlemarch. 3. The legendary night in Edinburgh when me and Nick had to hold him up walking home and I had to put him to bed. 2. The dance moves: the steering wheel, the bouncing a ball, the '2004' dance. 1. Being maxed out on battery, signal, library books and water. I should also really give a mention to 'the mix' style of cooking which he introduced me to, which just misses out.

Possibly the shortest post thus far

2005-03-14T12:08:00.000Z

(John) Do you ever get the feeling that you're the star of your own TV show, a la The Truman Show, and that everyone else is merely playing a part? No? Oh, OK, neither do I.

Euphoria

2005-03-12T13:43:00.000Z

(Tom) I love drinking water whilst chewing sugar free gum. The intense icy sensation fills my mouth and I can feel it travelling down my throat. Like a waterfall in the Himalayan foothills. I really want to go travelling but I don't know where. I am only happiest when there is no reason for me to be. A fantastic sensation of euphoria, like getting amazing exam results or winning a basketball match. I had that today leaving the house. I am really behind in work. My coursework is in tatters, but I couldn't help smiling today. Its probably the weather. It is the weather.

Top 5 thinking places

2005-03-11T22:00:00.000Z

(John) 5. In the pub. Whenever I arrange to meet my friends from home in the pub, I am inevitably the first to arrive, as they all have a penchant for tardiness, whereas i like to be punctual. I use the time compiling top five lists, having debates with myself and trying to solve all the world's problems from my seat. 4. On the toilet. Two major drawbacks: unless you've had a big curry, there isn't enough time for serious reflection; and I tend to go just after waking up, when my mind isn't at its most alert. 3. Walking/cycling: exercise for both the body and the mind. 2. In the bath: a rare luxury in my hectic, rushed shower-taking life. 1. In bed: about 95% of my greatest ideas have arrived whilst trying to get to sleep ( I very rarely get the opportunity to do anything else in bed).

The Abyss

2005-03-09T20:29:00.000Z

(John) For a long time, my friends from home and I have joked about the prospect of 'the abyss'. For 21 years, we've had everything force-fed to us; it was always planned that I would go to primary school then secondary school, then university. But then what? This is where the abyss comes into play. At first, it's quite nice and liberating not to have any plans, and the world quite literally at your feet. However, after a while of staring into the abyss, the abyss begins to stare back. Right now, I can see the whites of the abyss' eyes. It's all very well pottering round Birmingham for a bit, scraping together money here and there, having fun doing improv and things, but there comes a time when one has to confront the abyss and make a decision whether to jump over it, or just give up and fall in. I am now at that crossroads. Which way I go could affect the rest of my life. It's a big decision. Abyssmally big.

Improv Review

2005-03-09T12:20:00.000Z

(John) There's a review of the Diamond Rendezvous at http://www.bbc.co.uk/birmingham/content/articles/2005/03/07/diamond_rendezvous_review_feature.shtml I'm Not sure I entirely agree with it all, although, considering the way she slags off a lot of the acts, we get off rather lightly. Check out the photo gallery as well- there's a link in the top right hand corner. Will do a decent post tomorrow.

Rushed

2005-03-09T09:30:00.000Z

(Tom) Lets just see where this blog leads us. Went to Cerys' last night for a girl's football evening (I was the soul member of their fanclub). We had lots of wine and cheese and I actually had a nightmare that I am sure was a direct result of the cheese. It was a psychological fear, rather than your regular giant spiders and featured John and Cerys and I think Annabel. It was very scary. Coursework is in tatters, but its cool. I think I'm going to go home next year, I've just turned down a house that would have been really cool cos I couldn't commit to a 12 month contract. So at the moment the plan is to go to Edinburgh after exams, graduate, go home, get a job, read lots of newspapers, some how fit in some work experience, get to know my parents and little sister, learn to drive, apply for an MA in journalism at Cardiff, go to India for a very long time, do that course at Cardiff, move to London, get a job on a national broadsheet like The Independent, become an award winning journalist, get married, quit job, do a teacher training course, teach secondary school English, have children, quit job, write some short stories in the style of magical realism, become famous, win awards, die.

Diamond Rendezvous Admin.

2005-03-02T09:06:00.000Z

Just had an E-mail from Soubize, there's a get in on Thurs afternoon, but we don't need to go. Our slot should be around 8:15pm, for both nights so I should be able to make it on the Fri. I'm hoping we can see the whole show, which starts at 8:00pm (doors 7:00pm). She didn't say anything about passes or stiaying around to see the other acts. So I propose meeting at The Electric Cinema (Just behind New St. Station on Station St., next to the Old Rep) at around 7:30 on the Thurs (2morrow). I'm gonna be at Uni station at 7:00 if anyone wants to meet up then. I don't have Nat's or Swiss Dave's number, so could you text them for me, John? Will def pay you back. I'll text Annabel and I'm hoping Neil will read this. Tom

100 Greatest Cartoons

2005-02-28T12:23:00.000Z

(John) I watched the 100 greatest cartoons on Channel 4 last night. A thoroughly enjoyable way to spend four hours. Had The Simpsons not won, I would have despaired for the human race. It is clearly not only the greatest cartoon ever but the greatest television programme ever. In fact, it's probably the greatest thing ever. It even beats toast. However, there were a few notable omissions that I would like to have seen included. The first ones that spring to mind are the following: Bravestar, The Raggy Dolls, Bertha, Postman Pat, Bucky O' Hare, Sharky and George, Animaniacs, The Real Ghostbusters, The Raccoons, Penny Crayon, The Family Ness, Charlie Chalk, Dogtanian and the Muskehounds, Albert the Fifth Musketeer (purely for the theme tune), Muppet Babies, The Animals of Farthing Wood. I'm sure there's plenty of others that I've forgotten, this a mere selection.

Gloves II

2005-02-27T12:52:00.000Z

(John) Birmingham: the second biggest city in the country. The Bullring: one of the largest shopping centres in Europe. Gloves: one of the essential items of clothing necessary for one's happiness. These three facts are indisputable. And yet, despite this, not a single shop in Birmingham city centre seems to stock gloves in late-February. I lost a glove last week, and have had to be making do with one black Thinsulate glove and one pink, girly glove borrowed from my housemate Alex for the last couple of days. I therefore decided it was time to bite the bullet and buy a new pair for myself. However, after trapesing (note not trapezing) round the city centre for nigh on an hour yesterday, I came away empty-handed, as every shop had got rid of all their winter-ware in the sales and was now only selling summery goods. Consequently, not only was I empty-handed, but also cold-handed. I think Thinsulate need to set up their own retail outlet, open all year round for us perennial glove-wearers, who stick loyally by our clothes, and don't dispense with certain items of clothing merely because the weather is improving slightly.

Should I join a religion?

2005-02-25T13:20:00.000Z

(Tom) I always thought life to be too complex to be run by strict moral codes such as the ten commandments. I'm sure their are certain occasions when stealing is ok or when coverting thy neighbour's property is actually a form of flattery. However living with this 'make up your own principles as you go along' attitude is dangerous as it's hard to make the right decision that is not entirely selfish. Getting a religious leader to tell you how to behave ensures you're not going to base your life on corrupt actions. I need a religion so I've drawn up a Top5 list: 5.Islam. Bit of a religious hot potato. 4. Sikhism. I'm a bit pissed of with them for getting a play banned at The Rep. 3. Christianity. I'm already a Roman Catholic, so I wouldn't have to do much in the way of paperwork. 2. Hinduism. Excellent temples, but too many Gods 1.Buddhism. Loving the ambiguous nature of Buddhism, it seems to be a very fluid religion.

Dreams 2

2005-02-24T14:11:00.000Z

(Tom) Had a dream about the improv play last night. The room in the Bristol Pear was massive and filled with people. Some had to stand up. I thought it was going ok when we stopped for the interval; people seemed to be enjoying it. I popped out to get a pizza and realised I wasn't wearing any clothes. I was shocked and embarrassed, but after a while I didn't really care. I came back late and John and Annabel were doing a scene in the style of a Shakespeare play. It sounded amazing and people were whispering how it was better than the Bard himself.

First5 Things that come into my head

2005-02-24T14:09:00.000Z

(Tom) 5.Aquariums 4. On safari 3. Nitrogen 2. Sex 1. 1066

Things I'd put into Room 101

2005-02-22T13:30:00.000Z

(John) 5. Abbreviations in text messages and msn such as 'u', gr8', '4 (instead of 'for')', etc. 4. Computers 3. Late people ('late' as in tardy, not dead, that would just be cruel) 2. Button flies 1. People who walk slowly, especially in front of you in a shopping mall. Other contenders were narrow-minded people, dance music, smoking, marmite, vegetarians, American gun laws, religious extremism, anything that's planned and not improvised.

Every cloud...

2005-02-19T13:10:00.000Z

(John) Over the years, there have been some phrases that never made sense to me. How, exactly, is a bird in the hand worth anything at all in the bush? Surely if you are having your cake, you are indeed eating it? Gradually, I have come to learn the wisdom of these sayings, and another one which finally rang true yesterday was that every cloud has a silver lining. The dark cloud that was me losing my wallet would seem not to have any potential lining, silver or otherwise. However, being forced to live without any money, or any means of getting any, not to mention my library cards, old NUS card, Somerfield Saver card, and various other bits and bobs, has made me look at life in a new light. I am having to live on a a subsistence economy, and it is making me appreciate the simpler things in life: the joys of a good book, the wonder of toast, the pleasure that comes from finally eating something you've been saving for days. The loss of my wallet could actually be a turning point in my life. I'm now tempted to go back to nature, hunting for my food as God intended, wearing nothing but fig leaves, and spending my spare hours counting all the different types of moss and lichen that live in a particular area.

A rather risque post

2005-02-14T13:29:00.000Z

(John) A mildly interesting piece of news: in this month's FHM, on page 200, there's a picture of a girl called Alice from Sevenoaks. This is the sister of one of my friends from school. She was a legend back at The Judd School, everyone was in love with her. I was in two plays with her, and became quite friendly with her (strictly all above board, mind). It's a bit annoying, because her appeal was kind of underground, now she's sold out to the masses and gone mainstream.

A blog encompassing all 5 blog genres

2005-02-14T13:18:00.000Z

(John) Top 5 things i've done this weekend: 5. Watched the England rugby game- pretty pathetic, we were rubbish in the second half, 4. Bought 3 books for the price of 2 from Waterstone's- The Da Vinci Code, The Cuirious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime, The Woman in White, 3. Made a meal of eggs florentine, my culinary piece de resistance, 2. Can't think of a number 2 ,haven't got time in this crazy, postmodern world in which seals are under. over. The world spins and we stay. forever. And ever till death do us part. Parting of the hair. Scary Mary, for there we will be lead by the lead piping in the Billiard Room by colonel mustard. 1. Saw a bit of Tony Robinson performing at the Alex theatre- after initial reservations about how good he would be, he turned out to to be very amusing. Interesting to think we're probably sixth cousins by marriage, twice removed, or something similar. Time taken for blog: the length of one song on the radio, so i guess about three minutes.

First Anniversary Blog

2005-02-12T14:41:00.000Z

(Tom) Just went for a stroll in the archives section and found that it was on May 28th 2004 that we began our blogging journey. The first blog was a combined effort, a form of blogging that we have never repeated and so I thought it might be a good idea if we marked the end of our first year with another combined entry. I've pencilled it into my diary already. I might even make some celebration flapjacks.

Top5 types of Blogging

2005-02-12T14:32:00.000Z

(Tom) 5. Old Skool Blogging- I just don't lead a very exciting life, so there's not much point in me putting it up on screen. I apologise for that last blog I did by the way. 4. Reviews- Haven't had much of these lately. 3. Free Blogging- Only attempted by John so far, I think they are reckless experiments with the subconscious; where did that Bert Raccoon stuff come from? 2. Speed Blogging- a fantastic development for blogging in the modern world, where people no longer have time to breathe. 1. Top5 lists- I just think they're great. Quick to do and they don't take long to read, but you find out so much and it keeps up heated debates in the comment section.

Old Skool Blogging

2005-02-12T14:16:00.000Z

(Tom) Thought I'd take things back to basics and give you a literal run down of what I've been up to over the last few days. My recent blogs have been quite experimental so I think a return to my roots would be beneficial; after all, this is what 'Web Logs' were invented for. This would be the blogging equivolent of The Chemical Brothers playing acoustic guitars round a camp fire. So here goes: Yesterday I finished of an essay about Thomas Hoccleve and patronage for my Middle English module. Pretty interesting, but it was a rubbish essay- but also unassessed so... Had a pastie and an orange from Tesco for lunch- I have been doing really well with packed lunches, but I was up late with Hoccleve essay and couldn't be bothered. Went to Tom and Diedre's auditions, other strange shadows included Jen, Polly, Neil, Geoff and Angelie. They were all amazing. That was 2.5 hrs, then me and Neil went down a few floors to Improv for an hour with John and Bellie. So it was a pretty dramatic day all round. Went home, slept, heated up some vegetable medley then on to Ramshackle. Was well up for it in the pub, a friend was back from France, but in the end I was too tired and was in bed by 2. Its raining today. I've got a netball match tomorrow. Btw, I'm going home 2moz, but will be back on Wed, so will miss Monday night improv.

Dreams

2005-02-07T13:23:00.000Z

(John) Without wanting to sound like a character from The Fast Show, aren't dreams weird? I truly think they're one of the most astounding things around. By 'dreams', of course, I mean those visions which occur while asleep at night,as opposed to the ambitions kind of dreams. As an aside, I just realised that the title of the film Field of Dreams works on both levels, encompassing both definitions. Clever, eh? Anyhoo, I really think someone should write some kind of study of dreams, it would make for fascinating reading. What's that you say? Someone's already done it? Sigmund who? I have been having some particularly bizarre dreams lately. Here are some of the most vivid ones: Neil revealed he was actually 34; our house was being invaded by bizarre animals; I had to take over doing techie stuff for a play, and met a girl who was about to go to Harvard; all my teeth were falling out (this is a recurring dream of mine). what do they all mean, I wonder? I'm sure Freud would say they're all to do with sex. Any suggestions in the comments page please.

Diamond Renezvous

2005-02-02T13:09:00.000Z

(Tom) Soubize has just E-mailed me saying she loved the improv and wants us to do a 15-20min slot for her burlesque style cabaret variety night on the 3rd and 4th March. Apparently she really liked the first skit we did ( I think it was the improvised narrative) She was wondering if we could do it in 1920's dress "Think Gosford Park" I've never seen/heard/read Gosford Park so I don't know what she wants. But anyway, she liked it and so I've got to put together a group. If you can make it could you say in the comment section. Tickets cost £14 so its a great way of seeing the amazing show for free. Its also being filmed for Channel4. John, I'm gonna need your help, really sorry bout last night and dithering about your play blame it on essays or other contextual evidence, still well up for it though. Also Soubize needs a name for our act. Please put suggestions in comments. Possibilities include: Watch This Improv, The Monkey Jumpers, The Gosford Park Rangers, The Improv Imps, TheatreX.

Improv

2005-01-31T13:34:00.000Z

(John) Just getting myself psyched up for the improv overdrive that's about to occur over the next few weeks. Tonight's session is a tri-partite affair: first, a normal improv sesh; second, it doubles as auditions for 'No Script, Sherlock'; third, woman from the Electric cabaret night coming to watch to see if we're suitable for performing on Channel 4. Looking forward to getting rehearsals underway for 'No Script, Sherlock'. I think 'The Script Hits the Fan' is the most fun I've had doing a play, so if this one is even half as good, it should be cool. I've got two new games worked out for tonight, not quite sure how good they'll be we'll have to just fly them up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes. Oh, and then there's the possibility of taking some improv to Edinburgh. I'll keep you posted of any developments on that front.

Geoff's Party

2005-01-31T13:01:00.000Z

(Tom) A pretty spectacular affair. Two whole salmon made up the centre piece of a wicked spread. Chatted to Claire+ her boyfriend about whether vegetarians can eat eggs. Remember praising Polly for being an amazing actress for about 20mins. Literally. Angelie and her London friends also had to put up with me for a large portion of the evening. Also Robin and I had a chat. And thats all I can remember. Didn't really get a chance to speak to many people. The fantastic Tom Oakley drove me Andy and Timor to Emma's house after I took her keys. We chatted about some more stuff. Emma called, upset cos she had lost her keys before we told her she had given them to us. She arrived later with Cerys and Alex. Got to sleep bout 6:30 with Andy on my floor. Great time, pity I can't remember what happenned. Be great if we could sort out a reunion. Probably won't happen though...

Strange Shadows

2005-01-29T13:17:00.000Z

(John) Just want to say how much I've enjoyed doing Strange Shadows over the last couple of months. I particularly enjoy the friendly banter that goes on in the dressing room while the show's going on. For those who miss out, here's a brief summary of the kind of things that occur: Haribo is eaten; jokes and riddles are told; Neil sits reading 'Introducing Logic', and people have pseudo-intellectual discussions; we give Neil suggestions for what his hair looks like (some of the more outlandish ones being the Twin Towers, a member of the KKK and something hit by a tsunami); we come out of the dressing room to listen to Neil's, Imogen's, Jennifer's, and David and Caroline's bits; obscure films are discussed; Tom B and I eat Geoff's sandwiches. Looking forward to the party tonight, I'm looking to literally eat Geoff out of house and home. He must be glad he's taken the dog to the kennels for the night.

Fish

2005-01-24T13:35:00.000Z

(Tom) I have recently decided to extend my diet from land based food groups to that more shadowy source of nourishment- the sea. I think my anxiety about fish comes from the fact that supermarkets sell them whole. I feel that eating something with a face is somehow wrong. Tonight I will conquer my fear by sampling the delights offered by mackerel. I managed to by one in Sainsburys which had its head removed, but it still has a tail. This diet change will involve trying a new fish every week. I will post up fish reviews as and when I can. Forthcoming posts will include cod, haddock and maybe kippers.

Free Blogging

2005-01-19T15:13:00.000Z

(John) It's the end and where to the ship of. Up for nowhere to the love of Joy , will tear us apart. Forever. Forever. Into the unknown and infinite of our own cocoons. Racoons. Bert Racoon. Bertie Bassett. Bertha, always bertha, burbing, belching bertha, working, hurting. The pain, the aching. Neverland. Never land? Land never... staring at the sun and nothing there. Going outside for the sun, or the Mirror, look in oneself again. Again the sun. Jump for the sky, reach the sky. beethoven, behoving mozart. Classical or Classic? Latin or Greek. Empire of the Sun. empire of our minds. The krypton factor, britain is working once again and life is good. Down with silence, wires forever crossing in the multitudinous sins of our mind. Sit down. Back up. Constant wind. Wind like the breath. Wind like rewind? Inconsistency. Breeds contempt. Sit back, relax, don't blame them. Blame you. You will never land. Land. London. Land of the free, home of the brie.

Speed Blogging

2005-01-18T17:24:00.000Z

(Tom) Start Time:17:26 (exactly) Rehearsals start in just under 25mins so I thought this would be a good opportunity to tell yuou about a new type of blogging. Speed blogging is perfect for the busy blogger who may not have time or the imagination to think up stuff to blog about. You merely set aside 5mins and type as fast as you can, even if you dont know what to type abouy and to hell with the consequences (and the spelling). Had a pretty intense library session today. I sort of feel like Rocky in that montage of him training and running up steps except I'm reading books. Feeling very well. One of the tricks of speed blogging is to ignore writewrs block- if you can't think of anything to write about- just keep writing. Like a stream of consciousness. I've got to read Ulysses for my modernism class- I know you were interested in giving it a go John- but don't its rubbish and you're still a young man. For the love of God don't do it. Another rule of Speed blogging is that you have to publish what ever you write and you're not allowed to run out o Finish: 17:32 (sorry)

Libraries

2005-01-13T15:18:00.000Z

(John) One statistic that I can never get my head round is the fact that, in Britain, only 6% of the population use their local libraries. 6%! It is difficult for me to put into words just how great I think libraries are. I have a long history of library association: when i was at primary school, the school was right next to our town's library, so, because my mum was always working when school finished and i lived too far away to walk home, I used to go the library every day after school and wait there for my mum to finish work to ocome and pick me up. Then, when I was sixteen, I got my first part-time job, working on Saturdays at a local library (not the same one as before, the one in the next town along from mine), which i did for two years. Then, at university, I made section 3C of the library my own, spending possibly more time there in the period 2001-2004 than anyone else. This summer, I discovered Harborne Library, a very cute, intimate library, the kind that would feature in an epoisode of Midsomer Murders. I really find it amazing that, FOR FREE, you can borrow from a choice of thousands of books, no deposit, no down payment, no catch, nothing. Were I to describe my vision of heaven to someone, I would imagine it as as one big, giant library, with the extra addition that you can borrow CDs, videos and DVDs for free as well, rather than having to pay a small fee, as you do now (cheaper than Blockbuster, mind). Therefore, I cry: library users of the world unite, before libraries go the same way as Betamax video players, Wimpy's and Wispa bars: mere memories of a bygone generation.

Some Interesting News

2005-01-12T11:20:00.000Z

(Tom) Every now and then I earn myself a little bit of pocket money by letting the psychology dept mess around with my head for a bit in return for cash. There is an interesting experiment that I've recently signed up for that studies the effect of alcohol on mood. The plan is to get me 'significantly intoxicated' with beer and ask me how I feel about things. I'm doing it tomorrow which means I can't come to Snobs tonight cos I'm not allowed to drink till its all over (apparently they're gonna breathalise me to make sure!). Thanks to Cerys for getting me the E-mail address.

Lasts

2005-01-10T15:34:00.000Z

(John) Last film I watched: Memento (excellent), last book I read: Dead Famous by Ben Elton (very good), last song I heard: Tender- Blur, last person I spoke to on the phone: Luke, a friend from work, last alcoholic beverage: pint of Stella last night, last food ate: packet of Salt and Vinegar French Fries, last item of clothing bought: pair of 6 pounds jeans from Primark last week- bargain, last person I spoke to in person: man in the corner shop when I bought some bread earlier today, last of the summer wine: saw a bit of it yesterday.

Gloves

2005-01-06T15:21:00.000Z

(Tom)Bought the new Thinsulate gloves a few days ago, they seemed to be a toasty few degrees warmer than last season's, so I was happy. To my surprise though, I found today that the lining of the right glove was starting to come detached at the seams. They weren't even in the sales when I bought them; I had payed the full whack (£3) so there was no excuse for faulty workmanship. Luckily I found the flaw whilst in the comfort of my own home, but who knows what could have happenned if I had taken them up a mountain. Workmanship is the second most important type of manship (after gamesmanship) and I found it sinceraly lacking in the Thinsulate company. A crying shame. Really looking forward to Freerunning on Channel4 tonight- thanks for the text John. Its about time this sport got the recognition it deserves.

The magic number

2005-01-05T13:41:00.001Z

(John) Due to our profile being stuck on 88 posts, we missed out on the excitement that was the 100th post! It was Tom's '2005 Underview', a worthy recipient of the title, I feel. This is the 102nd. I think I've created enough tension by leaving the novel for long enough now, it's time to get back on track with my customary non-linear, seemingly incongruous narrative. All will soon become clear... 'Why do we always have to come hiking in bloody Snowdonia, Greg?' demanded Julie at the top of her voice, attempting to outdo the howling Scottish highland winds. 'Every year, I suggest a change. Maybe a nice week in the sun of the Algarve or a watersports break in the Domnican Republic. For Christ's sake, even a weekend in Torquay would be nice. But, no, we always have to come to McBloodyshittyshire, don't we?' She didn't know why she bothered sometimes. It was obvious that Greg wasn't paying the slightest bit of attention to her. He was caught up in his attempt to identify an unfamiliar-looking bird that had just flown by. Admitting defeat, Julie took a pew on a craggy-looking piece of rock and broke out the sandwiches and cartons of Ribena. Even their lunches were getting more predictable every year.

The magic number

2005-01-05T13:41:00.000Z

Welcome to 2005

2005-01-02T13:25:00.000Z

(John) My, my, my, 2005 (which, incidentally, I like to pronounce 'twenty-oh-five' rather than 'two thousand and five', since no-one ever refers to 1905 as the year 'one thousand nine hundred and five'). It only seems like a couple of days ago that we were in 2004. I'm not much of a one for New Year's resolutions; rather, I like to set myself general goals for the year ahead. For the following twelve months, then, I would like to achieve the following: write at least two posts on the blog a week; organise a regular weekly poker night; read Ulysses; go travelling around America, Kerouac-style; decide what I want to do with my life (this may come whilst 'finding myself' during the travelling); take an improv show to Edinburgh; finish my blog-novel; finish the play I've been writing for over 8 months; invent a new meal including all my favourite foods: toast, spinach, strawberries, baked beans, bran flakes and sausages; invent a new word and try to get it into everyone else's lexicon by the end of the year; have more baths (I only tend to have showers normally); make up a new joke every day. Here is today's: what do you call an elaborately painted part of a church that's just lost its husband? A stained-glass widow. It's going to be a good year...

2005 Underview

2004-12-30T15:13:00.000Z

(Tom) I'm looking forward to the World Premier of Strange Shadows in Jan. Not looking forward to the God awful amount of coursework in for Easter. If all goes to plan, 2005 will be the year I join John as a confused and bewildered graduate staggering out of my Selly Oak cocoon and into the real world. Resolutions: Get more vitamin C into my system, trust no-one and sort life out.

2004 Overview

2004-12-23T10:02:00.000Z

(John) Well, here we are at the end of another topsy-turvy year, a year with a series of highs and lows, ups and downs, peaks and troughs, rises and falls, zeniths and nadirs. Amongst other things we had my departure from university and consequent graduation ceremony, at which i managed the unique feat of making it into two different graduation photos; Edinburgh, memorable both for the excitement of being in an actual play at the Festival and going to see all sorts of wicked shows- Catalpa, Improverts, Bad Play 2, Richard III, Garden of Fools, a little-known show called Shakespeare Asleep, too many to mention; maintaining my 100% record of being involved in all of WatchThis' shows- Much Ado, Six Characters, Script Hits the Fan, Improv Idol, Good Person of Szechwan and Strange Shadows this year; always expanding and improving improv; being 22 with a good degree and not yet sure what I want to do with my life; buying a bike; getting a (semi-) regular poker circle up and running; moving into a new house in Birmingham; going to my Nan's 80th Birthday shinding; going to two balls and one ball crawl; having an exciting, fun holiday in France, nearly messed up by me drowning; started writing another play, but have been stuck at the start of the second act for about three months. TV highlights of the year: Little Britain, Peep Show, Newsnight Review, The Simpsons (as ever), the end of Sex and the City (good riddance), Cheers on Channel 4 at lunchtime, the Keith Barrett Show. Music highlights of the year: the Killers, Razorlight, Damien Rice, Keane, the Libertines' new album. Film highlights: School of Rock (cinema), Identity (video), can't think of anything else that stood out. See you in the new year!

Misc.

2004-12-11T13:30:00.000Z

(Tom) I've got a lot to catch up on in terms of blogging before the Christmas break- reviews, musings etc. it will be a bit all over the place but here goes. Can't wait for Christmas: T.V., Chocolates, sleep, turkey, presents, crackers (both the dry biscuit and the paper hat, joke varieties) trees, cards, decorations, sage and onion stuffing, home, Christmas No.1, carols, family, snow, nativity plays, winter walks and all that jazz. I'm making a break for it on Wednesday. Really can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to going home. I'm currently listening to the OC soundtrack (Hm8 Lucy was my secret Santa). Play is going really well, Tom and Deidre watched a rehearsal and said they liked it. I couldn't help but be distracted by Neil who seemed to be practicing kung fu at the back of the room. Worries at the moment are all course related: 6000 word essays for Hardy+Wilde and Modernism 2x 3000 word essay for language and beast of a dissertation on Hemingway- 8000 words. Thats 26,000 words to hand in by Easter. Currently I'm on 0. However I'm pretty ok. I'm lovin Counting Crows, scarfs, cast, Incubus, tuna, running and being 20. Went to Glee club last night in a limo kindly provided by the very lovely Grace (Happy 21st). Very affluent and very funny. In terms of physical health, I'm starting a layer of fat that should keep me warm this winter. Mentally I'm the same as always. Emotionally I'm sure I'll improve once I get home. Socially I'm managing. Spiritually I'm confused. I think thats everything. Would be cool if we could sort out a polker night at some point before the break, myhouse will be free by Sunday night if anyone's interested. Is there improv this Monday? Happy Christmas, Tom x.

Blog Overload/Witches Review

2004-12-08T14:24:00.000Z

(John) I'm a little worried that our blog can't take much more of us. In our profile, it says we've made 88 posts, but it's said that for the last 8 posts. I think this is actually the 96th. Getting close to the magical three figures. On to the review: this stage adaptation of the popular Roald Dahl children's book was probably marred for some by the two gentleman in row R who insisted on eating their tuna pasta salads during the first half, but, nevertheless, this was a fun evening for all the family, a funny, yet ultimately moving, tale which moved the audience to both laughter and tears. The overblown ridiculous nature of Dahl's writing was trasferred effectively to the stage, partly due to the use of a large screen in the centre of the stage which particularly helped with the scenes of the mice-boys running along the corridors of the hotel. Well-acted and directed, with a beutifully composed soundtrack, this is a story to warm the cockles of anyone's heart, even if the remote-controlled mouse failed to work at one point. 8 and a half/10

Top 5 British Comedies of the last 10 years

2004-12-08T14:20:00.000Z

(John) A trend seems to be developing in the blog. I'm now going to make a resolution with myself to limit 'top 5s' to every 5th post minimum. Anyway, here goes: 5. I'm Alan Partridge, 4. Phoenix Nights/Max and Paddy's Road to Nowhere, 3. Director's Commentary, 2. Peep Show, 1. The Office

Top5 Historical figures I'd like to meet

2004-12-08T13:06:00.000Z

(Tom)5. Gandhi 4. Oscar Wilde 3. JFK (just to warn him) 2. Guy Fawkes 1. Shakespeare

Top 5 Films I Want to See

2004-12-06T14:48:00.000Z

(John) No matter how many films I watch, there always seems to be hundreds more I feel I should see. Here's my top 5: 1. Donnie Darko- everyone raves about it, it seems the kind of film I would enjoy, 2. The Godfather Part II (I've seen the first, and have the third on video, but don't want to watch that till I've seen the second), 3. Casablanca- a classic, 4. Citizen Kane- ditto, 5. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest- read the book, would be interested to see how it compares.

Ritter Review

2004-11-24T13:55:00.000Z

(Tom) Went to see Josh Ritter last night with Cerys. Had a fantastic time. I think smartly dressed, slightly displaced, cheerfully cheeky American singer-songwriter bearded acoustic guitar people are the best type of people. Especially if they're anti-Bush but still hold onto an optimism born out of a childlike appreciation of religion. I'm pleased to report that Mr. Ritter lived up to all of these criteria and made me feel like everythings wonderful.

Statistics

2004-11-22T15:28:00.000Z

(John) Here's something I've often wondered: how many different people have you encountered in your life? By encounter, I mean just happened to walk past on the street, sat next to in the library, brushed past on the train, etc. In other words, how many diferent people's faces have you seen in your life? Based on an average of seeing 100 different people a day, which I think is erring very much on the side of caution, seeing as I can see about 40 people just sitting here in the Mason Lounge, I work out that I've seen about 800,000 people in my life. The actual figure must be a lot more than that, though, I think. It's something I guess we'll never know.

The saga continues...

2004-11-19T15:12:00.000Z

(John) In order to see how this fits in with the rest of the story, you must first understand a bit about the structure of the book. It starts off with a series of seemingly unrelated incidents, which, Pulp Fiction-style, will gradually interweave and leave the reader astounded as to the author's brilliance. Without any further ado... It was a rainy Wednesday in Chicago. The kind of day songs are written about. Jennifer, who had found herself warbling at a sleazy karaoke bar on the bad side of town the previous night, gazed dreamily out of her fifth-storey office window, paying no attention to the racket being caused by the malfunctioning photocopier. She checked her Garfield watch, a present from her little brother last Christmas, without taking in what time it was. It was only when Steve marched into the office and shook his umbrella out all over her recently-tidied desk that she came to herself again and realized that it was 11.15. 11.15? It rang a bell with her. What had she to do at 11.15?

Words

2004-11-16T10:35:00.000Z

(John) My top five words: 5.Gargantuan 4.Marshmallow 3.Behemoth 2.Bumf 1.Paraphernalia. My top five punctuation marks: 5.Apostrophe 4.Hyphen 3.Exclamation mark 2.Brackets (ideally round ones, although sqaure and { } are also good) 1.Semi-colon.

The next instalment

2004-11-05T14:48:00.000Z

(John) As much as i like your idea about a group effort, Neil, for now at least this will remain a solo work i'm afraid. Never fear, however, I may well call on you in due course to add to the fun. We shall see. Here, then, is the next instalment in my as-yet untitled first novel: His patience was being tested no end, however. For the fifth time this week, Michael awoke to the sounds of his neighbours' dog, a black spaniel by the name of 'Spud'. "Who needs a smoke alarm", Michael mused to himself, "when I've got that bloody dog to wake me up". After turning over for what seemed like the forty-seventh time in the space of five minutes in a vain effort to get back to sleep, Michael decided to have a stab at reading some of Bleak House, a book he had been struggling through for a good four weeks now, always a guaranteed cure for his insomnia in the past. No sooner had he removed his bookmark, when he was once again disturbed, this time by a knock at the door.

Neil

2004-11-04T11:10:00.000Z

At the banks of Lethe I lay my head/Thoughts frivolous take flight/I know not the reason why/ In such times they seek out Neil./ Memories of times gone past/ Flood ever on in my cerebral sphere/ Plato, kung fu and kebabs/ plunge through my waking sleep/ Ever on? Ever on?/ Nay my friend;/ thou art confused/ Take forth thy dreams and sup/ For tomorrow we may all be turkeys. Thomas Wilcox 2004

My First Novel

2004-11-01T13:17:00.000Z

(John) Over the course of the next few weeks, months, or maybe years, I shall publish a novel exclusively on this blog, in instalments. I shall carry on doing other blogging too, and these instalments won't appear every day, just when I feel inspired to write the next one, and demand is high enough. Here is today's opener, then: Six months had now passed since Michael had moved into his new house on Monkhouse Drive, and still he had yet to test the smoke alarms.

Competition Time

2004-10-31T13:43:00.000Z

(Tom) The first person to correctly answer the following 3 questions will have a poem dedicated to them in my next blog. 1)According to Nick, in which US city did improv originate? 2) Whose cave partly inspired Tom Davis' latest play? 3) When and where do the Watch This Improv sessions take place every week? Answers to be published in the comment section below. Good Luck! In other news I went to Jennifer's party last night- other Stange Shadows included Emma, Cerys and Aidrain. Anyone up for going to Snobs this Wednesday? When are people going to Arcadia?

48 Hour Party People

2004-10-29T13:19:00.000+01:00

(John) It has come to me attention that, due to lack of blogging in recent times, I neglected to write anything about the 48-hour show, despite having worked out a title for such a blog during rehearsals. I feel the time has passed to write an in-depth assessment. However, I didn't want to leave such a great title unwritten. It would be like having an idea for a pun without saying it (that, by the way, would deserve capital pun-ishment. Boom boom. Available for weddings and bar mitzvahs.)

Top 5 Improv Moments

2004-10-28T16:37:00.000+01:00

(Tom) 5)Nick's mad person trapped in a skip. 4)Rhoda's dippy Newcastle accent 3)Nat's deaf old woman 2)Neil's turkey worried about Christmas 1) John's Enigma.

Preview

2004-10-28T14:23:00.000+01:00

(Tom) I am particularly good at reading between the lines. For example, 'your un-assessed essays should be handed in by Friday' should read 'you'll have loads of time over the weekend to cobble together something to keep your tutor happy' similarly, 'weapons of mass destruction' is a synonym for 'my way of guaranteeing re-election'. It is with this in mind that I read John's latest blog on his lost pen pal. I see my recent sabbatical as a sort of meditative experience which has brought me much inspiration for future blog releases. Forthcoming titles will include 'my time in London' 'A review of Buddhism' ' When are we next going to Snobs' 'Strange Shadows' and 'My thoughts on the importance of Romania in the European free market economy'.

To the letter

2004-10-27T16:07:00.000+01:00

(John) When i was younger, I had a pen pal. It wasn't anyone exciting like an orphaned Albanian girl with only one leg or anything like that, but someone who i knew at school in Leeds (where I lived between the ages of six and eight or thereabouts), who I kept in touch with when I moved down South. It started with us writing letters to each other every month or so, sometimes not that often, sometimes more regularly, and this continued for a good couple of years or so (incidentally, I'm not keen on using the word 'good' to mean 'a large portion of', it doesn't make much sense, much like the phrase 'Many Happy Returns': returns of what? The crap presents you've been given?). Generally, we took it in turns to write. It's kind of pen pal etiquette. After all, it's not much fun if only one person is doing the writing. However, if one of us went a while withour writing, it was acceptable to write another letter, to subtly let the other person know that it was about time they wrote something. Towards the end of our letter-writing days (we are no longer in touch, sadly. If anyone out there knows what Robert Abbs is up to these days, drop me a line), he became very lax in his communication, until it reached the point where I had written three or four letters in a row without reply. And so, I come to the point of this post: it's come to my attentions that I have done most of the blogging of late. I fear Tom may be going the same way as Robert Abbs. The last I heard, Robert Abbs was living in Scarborough. You have been warned, Tom...

Another rant from John about modern society

2004-10-15T15:40:00.000+01:00

(John) Without wishing to repeat myself, I really am getting old. I was on the bus on the yester (my new way of saying 'yesterday' that I'm trying to introduce into the lexicon) and I happened to overhear a conversation that a young girl (well, roughly 15 years old) was having on her mobile phone. It made me despair for the state of modern youth. Her grasp of the English language was shockingly bad, and I'm sure she's not an exception. Quite why she had to finish every phrase with the word 'yeah' was beyond me (as in 'He sent me a text, yeah, and it was well weird, yeah, and I dunno what to do, yeah...'). The more I listened (frankly, it was hard not to, she seemed to be shouting to all and sundry), the more irate I got at the liberties she decided to take with our beautiful mother tongue. For those who aren't aware, words such as house and Harborne have the letter 'h' at the beginning, hence why they are not pronounce 'ouse' and 'Arborne', a fact she seemed oblivious to. I'm sure her English teacher would have balked at her use of the phrase 'off of', as in 'I got this text off of him'. Quite why people can't learn the simple rules that dictate our language is beyond me: it's 'could have', not 'could of'; you can't learn someone to do something, you can teach them to do it; similarly, you can't borrow someone some money, you can lend it to them; there's no such word as 'pacifically', at least not meaning 'to be specific'; 'was' is the first and third person perfect tense singular form of 'is', so you can't so 'you was' 'we was' ot ;they was'; was something 'like' something or was it actually that? ('it was, like brilliant'); I could go on and on. Cf Lynne Truss for more.

John's B'day party

2004-10-13T17:58:00.000+01:00

(Tom) Whenever I am in an off license buying alcohol for a night out I never quite understand how decisions made at this stage of the proceedings will have a direct consequence later on in the evening. Thus it was with this profound naivety in mind that I purchaced almost 2 litres of beer before making my way over to Louise's. Myself, Nick, Smalltalk John and Annabel were promptly driven over to Birthday John's with The Killers playing in the background. At this point I quickly drank all I had brought and made a start on the vodka and cokes, with a short phase of wine drinking with Ed Shepard. I remember being blind drunk in the literal sense of the phrase and then losing large chunks of memory. If there is any benefit in hindsight I can't appreciate it as I have no recollection of what happenned after around midnight. Rumours of the police being involved seem to be circulating but I was certaintly in no fit state to confirm or deny these allegations. Thanks to Cerys and Annabel for trying to curb my drinking and thanks to John for not. On a more serious note I really need to start growing up. Had a wicked time tho.

Fancy Dress

2004-10-12T15:21:00.000+01:00

(John) I'm not a particularly irritable kind of guy. Like everyone, there are little things in life that annoy me: button flies, people in big groups walking very slowly around shopping malls, people confusing 'your' and 'you're', Terry Wogan. However, one thing that tends to rouse a little bit of disquiet in me is fancy dress parties. Now, I apologise straight off to anyone who has ever held or intends to hold such a party (Hi, Cerys), but I just don't get it. I'm all in favour of parties, and I'm all in favour of craziness at parties. Hell, I'm even in favour of dressing up. But not mixing the two. Never mixing the two. Here is what always happens, without fail: either, you go to a lot of effort to buy a good outfit and dress up, having to endure the strange looks as you wonder through Selly Oak wearing nothing but a kimono, an eyepatch and one sock, only to find that the most effort anyone else has gone to is to stick a funny hat on their head or part their hair in an unusual way. Alternatively, you don't bother dressing up, on the understanding that fancy dress was 'optional', only to be confronted when you enter with what seems like the entire cast of all the Carry On films, from cowboys to doctors and toilet salesemen to holiday campers, and you have to scrape together some quick reason as to how exactly a pair of jeans and a black T-shirt fits into the 'space' theme. While I think about, what exactly is 'fancy' about dressing up like a cowboy or a pirate? To my mind, cowboy and pirate are two of the least fancy occupations around. If you're going to have a fancy dress party, at least obey the name. I guess that brings me back to another of life's irritations: misinterpretations of the English language. I could be here a while...

Career Opportunities

2004-10-11T15:37:00.000+01:00

(John) Over the last few weeks, a career path has become evident to me. Look at the facts: I went to a pub quiz at The Green Man a couple of weeks ago, and we came 5th out of about 30-40 teams, I went to a pub quiz at TC's Soon after and we came second oout of about 15 teams, I went to a pub quiz at Joe's last night and we came first out of about 20-30 teams. Who's the common link in all those quizzes? Answer: me. (That question didn't come up in any of the quizzes, by the way) Conclusion: I should become a professional quizzer. I think it says a lot about my quizzing desire that I was disappointed I only came 8th in The University Challenge Trials 2 years ago. I'm sure I could make a lot of money doing the rounds on the TV quizzes. I have an insane knowledge about not only big things (the order of all US Presidents and British Monarchs, the capitals of most countries of the world, etc), but the most insignificant, trivial things (obscure facts such as no two cornflakes are alike, Homer Simpson's hair has the letters M and G in it, in homage to Matt Groening, Elton John had a Top 40 single in Britain every year from 1970 to 1999, etc). I have an insatiable thirst for knowledge ( I once tried reading the dictionary all the way through), and it is therefore my destiny, I feel to become Britain's numer one quiz participant.

When I'm 64

2004-10-11T15:26:00.000+01:00

(John) I feel terribly old. I had my birthday part on Saturday to celebrate the imminent 22nd anniversary of my sprining into being (thanks to everyone for coming, I hope you enjoyed yourselves), and it has now struck home just how old 22 is. I mean, at 21, you're still allowed to be footloose and fancy-free, key to the door and all that, but 22 is proper grown-up age. Both my parents were married by the time they were 22. So, let's assess where I stand on the verge of my 23rd year: currently undecided about my future, with no specific career openings in the pipeline, and no real desire to go looking; unattached, and with no real relationships in the pipeline; struggling to grow a decent beard; no bread left in the house; I've got some grease stains on my jumper which won't come out; I'm a little uncomfortably warm. I would say 'at least I've got my health', but I've actually got a cold coming. I'm even starting to act like an old man. I now let out a little sigh upon sitting down, I'm sure I go to the toilet more than I used to, and I secretly enjoy watching The Antiques Roadshow and listening to Radio 2. Still, they say you're only as young as you feel, and, inside I still feel about 8, except with less of an obsession with the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles and more of a liking for vegetables.

A brief update

2004-10-04T15:13:00.000+01:00

(John) Well, well, well, I think this is probably the longest we've ever gone without a post. I don't know about Tom (frankly, I think he's had ample opportunity to blog), but I've been working almost non-stop at the Munrow Centre. It's not the most exciting job in the world, but it pays the rent. Well, obviously, the job doesn't actually pay the rent, I pay the rent, but the job furnishes me with the means witht which to pay the rent. Glad we cleared that up. Oh, the joy of being a pedant. So, I hear you cry, what else have I been up to since my last post exactly two weeks ago? Well, working, mainly, but also the odd bit of auditioning, reading (just started Philip Pullman's Northern Lights), fox-hunting and origami-ing. (Actually, I made those last two up. I was just trying to make my life sound a little bit more interesting). So, nothing too life-changing. I shall attempt to write more substantial, though-provoking post anon, but felt I'd better do a quick one now just to keep you die-hard fans (as in dedicated fans of our, not fans of the Bruce Willis action adventure) happy. Peace out.

Ponies, One-Tricks thereof

2004-09-20T13:56:00.000+01:00

(John) Well, the trilogy post seemed to launch a cavalcade of responses. Alas, this post may not provoke so great a debate (insert joke involving the words 'mass' and 'debate'). Indeed, this is the first post I have ever written not knowing what I was going to write about beforehand. I'm sure, if I keep writing, an idea will strike me. Here goes: not so much of a debate as an anecdote. Actually, an anecdote tends to refer to the relation of one incident, whereas this refers to a whole day, so this is more of a yarn. Yesterday, I went to Radio 1's One Big Weekend at Perry Park, where I saw such acts as Razorlight, Damien Rice, Joss Stone, Goldie Lookin' Chain, Mouldy Lookin' Stain (Chris Moyles' tribute act), Natasha Bedingfield and Lost Prophets. It was a thoroughly enjoyable day. The highlights were Razorlight, Damien Rice and Mouldy Lookin' Stain. I feel Goldie Lookin' Chain are somewhat of a one-trick pony. Although, to be honest, I've never seen a pony doing any tricks at all, so to see one doing even one trick would be good, and such was the case with GLC.

Settling in

2004-09-20T13:51:00.000+01:00

(Tom) Got back in Brum yesterday. The house is still damp and mouldy and without a TV, but I was happy to be back nonetheless. A housemate is expected to arrive this Friday, so the whole experiece should become a little more bearable. I'm looking forward to swimming in my beloved Tiverton pool later on. Other than that, I think my time will be spent reading massive Thomas Hardy novels and fighting back the mould that persists in the kitchen.

Indiana Jones

2004-09-16T14:26:00.000+01:00

(John) I watched Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade last night for the umpteenth time, having also watched the Temple of Doom last week. It got me pondering what my favourite film trilogy is. I then realised how few film trilogies I've seen: Back to the Future, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Scream, Lord of the Rings, er, that's about all i can think of. I've only ever seen the first Godfather film, and I'm not sure if the Austin Powers or American Pie films strictly count as trilogies, more just films which happen to have the same characters but are completely independent from one another. I've seen at least three Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street and Lethal Weapon films, but, as there's more than 3 of each of them, so, once again, they don't qualify. My top three trilogies are, therefore: 3. Indiana Jones, 2. Scream, 1. Back to the Future. There we have it: my trilogy of trilogies.

On The Road Review

2004-09-15T15:34:00.000+01:00

(Tom) Finally finished Kerouac's classic and thought it was excellent. The characters' adventures were inspiring but somehow also seemed unfulfilling. The narrator was a sort of Holden Caulfield of 'Catcher in the Rye' fame if Salinger's flawed hero was to start taking anti-depressants. In other news I saw man walking his rabbit today.

Musicals

2004-09-15T10:32:00.000+01:00

(John) Many apologies once again for the lack of recent blogging. I can't speak for Tom, but I have two excuses: firstly, I have been home for the last week, where the only access I have to internet is in Sevenoaks library, which involves using all the effort of leaving my house and venturing into town, and I've felt very lazy recently. Which leads me nicely into my second excuse: the one time I did do a post recently, the stupid computers at the library decided to delete my post after I tried to post it, and I didn't feel like writing it all out again. You didn't miss out on much, I was expressing my boredom at having nothing to do, and debating what video to get out of the library. I ended up getting out Chicago, which I thought was very good. It got me thinking how much fun life would be if it were a musical. Picture the scene: you're walking through Sainsbury's looking for reduced goods when suddenly, all the cashiers jump up and burst into song; you're struggling to find the right change on the bus, but it's all made ok when the driver and all the passengers suddenly bash out a nice little refrain; you're having a nice, relaxing swim in the pool, when all the lifeguards and fellow swimmers do a synchronised-swimming dance routine and an uptempo ballad about love. From now on, I may live my life like a musical, and just spontaneously burst into song while walking down the street. I wonder if life will imitate art, and everyone will join in and amazingly know the dance routine. There's only one way to find out.

Back Home

2004-09-08T11:28:00.000+01:00

(John) I am writing this post from the veritable attraction-filled town of Sevenoaks, having returned home for a few days to try and alleviate the boredom I was beginning to experience in Birmingham. I now empathise with how Tom felt a few months ago when he was in his house on his own with no form of human contact at all. I had a similar experience last week. However, whereas he became more spiritual, I became more suicidal. I generally like to have something to occupy my days rather than just reading and watching TV. To make matters worse, I was reading Crime and Punishment (which seems to have taken me an eternity to finish- very good, though), which compunded my misery. I never believed the whole 'copycat' theory before, but, given my situation and the intenseness of the book, had I happened to walking past a pawnbroker's last week, I could well have felt the urge to break in and kill the owner. While there is not much more to do at home (less, if anything), I don't feel as guilty doing nothing at home, whereas, when I'm doing nothing in Birmingham, I feel bad because I should be out job-hunting or doing something else equally useful like organising my vegetables alphabetically or writing a gritty Pullitzer-Prize winning novel about a family in Yorkshire struggling to overcome their economic and domestic problems, while also coming to terms with the death of their eldest son from AIDS. By contrast, here in Sevenoaks, I think I may get a couple of videos out of the library to watch this afternoon. Expect reviews soon if I get any good ones out.

Denmark

2004-09-03T16:43:00.000+01:00

(Tom) Nothing special. We hired bikes one day and had great fun on the flat cyclepaths. There were about six cars on the whole island, but they still made provisions for cyclists to stay safe. Beach was huge. Weather was changeable. Trip there was great fun tho, I met a gay dentist, a Junior bowls champion and a very cool Dane who had just finished a course in dress making. I'm reading On The Road at the moment and my brief experience of travelling alone was just like Kerouac's. I'm inspired to save up some money, go to Eastern Europe, buy a bright yellow VW camper van and drive around picking up all the hitch-hikers I can find.

World Famous

2004-09-03T13:24:00.000+01:00

(John) I have some rather exciting news on the blogging front. If you click on 'view complete profile' on the left hand column, there's a thing where it says 'profile views', which I assume means the numer of time that people have looked at our profile. It currently stands at 52. Now, as far as I'm aware, the only people who know about our blog are Cerys, Neil, Nat, Annabel and Ben. I find it very hard to believe that, between them, they've looked at our profile 52 times. Ergo, some other people must have been looking at our profile. PEOPLE WE DON'T KNOW! Maybe people not from England. Maybe even someone in, say, Chad. Or Lithuania. Perhaps there's someone who runs a small publishing firm in Nicaragua who's taken an interest in our blogs and is waiting for the right time to offer us a multi-million-pound book offer. And to think that these past couple of weeks I've been despairing that I'm not going to find a job this year. Who needs to find a job when a there's a massive book offer just around the corner? Life is looking up...

Job-hunting

2004-08-27T15:47:00.000+01:00

(John) Today, I took the first steps towards entering into the real world. I have been looking on the internet for jobs, which is a rather arduous, fruitless process. It doesn;t help that I don't really know what I want to do. I'm in two minds as to whether to try and find a 'proper' job or just look for something which will mean I can get some money together to go travelling next year. In a way, it's very exciting not knowing where my life will stand in six months' time, as my life has always been planned out years in advance and I've always known where I've been heading (primary school-secondary school-university-Edinburgh), so to be in the middle of the unknown is quite exciting. In a way, though, I envy those people who know exactly what they want to do witht their lives, as it would make things an awful lot easier. To make matters worse, I accidentally bought UHT Whole Milk the other day when I meant to buy orange juice (they come in very similar cartons form Safeway's, I'll have you know), so it seems that, not only do I know longer have a firm grasp on my life, I don't even have a firm grasp on what I buy from supermarkets. The whole world seems to be testing me. I shall remain firm, however, and come out fighting.

Edinburgh

2004-08-23T14:26:00.000+01:00

(John) Many apologies for the lack of any recent posts, both myself and my fellow blogger Tom have been busy enjoying the sights and sounds of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, in which we had starring roles in the highly-acclaimed world premiere of The Problem with Being the Elephant God. Having experienced the festival as a mere member of the general public last year, to actually be in a show this year was an amazing experience, although very draining, both physically and mentally (not to mention emotionally and spiritually). Despite having to flyer for an hour or two every day, and going out quite a lot, I still manged to catch 25 other shows, including a marvellous piece of theatre entitled 'Shakespeare Asleep', with particularly good performances from the male witch and the person doing sound. The best play I saw was a one-man show called Catalpa, which received a standing ovation at the end; it was simply breathtaking, and the reason God made theatres. The performance of Richard in Richard III was also absolutely superb, and drove home just why I love theatre so much; his performance had me on the edge of my metaphorical seat. Actually, that makes it sound like I didn't have a literal seat, which is just a bare-faced lie because I did. Front row, in fact (as I was in every play I went to see bar one). I shall rephrase: it had me metaphorically on the edge of my literal seat. Having now returned from Edinburgh, I am faced with a dose of the post-pantomime blues, that empty feeling that occurs after a play finishes. This is even more pronounced than usual, as this play has literally been my whole life for the last two months: I have ate, slept and breathed elephants (another metaphor). Furthermore, whereas when a play is over, I normally have something else to look forward to or fall back on, I don't really now. The time has finally come for me to enter the real world and get a job. My life as a student has officially terminated. No more late parties, no more drunken capers, no more casual sex (OK, I never actually partook of the last one, but I can dream). Who am I kidding? Of course I'll still be doing those things. Who knows, maybe I'll even fit in some casual sex.

Food

2004-08-03T13:18:00.000+01:00

(Tom) I am at my most happiest when I am eating. It is therefore only right that I should give you a run down of my favorite foods. 5. Porridge. I don't actually like porridge that much- it is so bland that it's actually quite hard to eat. But that is one of the reasons why it is so good at being food. If I'm incredibly hungry I only need a small bowl of porridge to feel completely full. The thick stodgy cereal fills you up so quickly that you can't eat more than a couple of mouth fulls without feeling sick. It is also incredibly cheap; 300g of oats cost just 40p and you only need 10g per portion. It is a comforting thought that I only need to earn about 5p per day to stop myself dying of hunger. 4. Jacket potatoes. This is my signiture dish. The secret is to bake two potatoes, rather than just one. Melt cheese over one and then add baked beans. To the other add a large amount of tuna mayonaise. 3. Soup. My favorite comfort food. The only reason its not number 1 is because I don't need comforting that much. It was what kept me sane after a 10hr shift at the cinema and I would return to an empty house. They vary in price quite considerably but as a general rule I always go for the chunkiest. 2.Sandwiches. I love subway sandwiches. But they are so expensive I only ever get them if one of my parents pay. I remember when I was working at Subway, I was allowed to make my own sandwiches. I crammed mine so full of meat and salad that the bread couldn't cope and they would just fall apart. I would hastily just push the messy bundle into its wrapper and carefully carry it home.There was one time, I think it was after an exam and I thought I would treat myself, but at £4.16 for a foot long meatball, it was still to expensive. Instead I went to Tesco and spent about £2 on all the ingredients and made myself an amazing sandwich. I then had enough ingredients to make amazing sandwiches for the next two days as well. 1. Fruits that you peel. My favorite food. I almost enjoy the peeling more than the eating. At the Reading festival one year all my friends were rolling cigarettes and saying that it was this preparation that actually relaxed them more than the smoking. Its the same with me and peeling oranges.

Silliness

2004-08-03T11:58:00.001+01:00

(John) I have always been a fairly silly person, the kind of child at school who entertains others with his impressions of teachers and isn't afraid to take on the challenge of seeing how fast he can run downstairs the highest building in school and back up again. However, since I have been at university, I feel this sillyness has increased even more. I now find it increasingly difficult to be serious, and it is now getting to the point where I am beginning to annoy even myself with my attempts at making silly puns out of everything that anyone says and sliding down any bannister that comes in my way. Freud would probably say that, as I am now technically an adult, and should theoretically soon be entering the 'real world', I am overcompensating for this by acting overtly childishly; I am insecure in myself and therefore need to make silly jokes to try and find favour with others. While this may partly be true (I certainly have a tendency to make jokes at awkward moments to avoid having to confront 'serious' issues) , I simply think that it is in my nature. My dad is 50, and he still acts as silly as me. In fact, he is the main reason that I am so silly: growing up, I have always been used to him cracking jokes, even at the most inopportune moments. My inherent desire to be silly, and frequently be the centre of attention, is thus purely down to my upbringing and genes, nature and nurture coming together in perfect unison. It is not actually my fault at all, so if you want to blame anyone for my inane puns andsilly tendencies, blame my dad.

Life Plan

2004-08-01T13:13:00.000+01:00

(Tom) After graduating from Birmingham with a 2:1 I will move to Paris and live on the streets selling sonnets to American tourists and earning just enough money for me and my dog 'Keats' to survive. After a tour around Europe by hitchiking I will return home ( Keats will have run off by this point). A dramatic change of fortune will then occur when I land myself an amazing job in journalsm after saving the life of an important newspaper editor. After spending about four or five years building up a reputation for myself as an uncomprimising investigative journalism I will quit my job unexpectedly and follow my dream as a novelist and short story writer. I will move from my affluent London apartment and take up residence in a small cottage in the lake District. This is when I will get married. The two of us will earn a basic living at the beginning as I juggle a part time job as a shepard with my career in writing, my wife will set up a small shop selling cardigans. My attempts at fiction fail and I become disillusioned after a particularly scathing review in the Critical Quarterly. My love for my wife is just as strong as ever at this point and I congratulate her on the now quite successful business she has set up. I spend more and more time in the local public house drinking real ale and hustling the locals at bridge. Life moves slowly but I appreciate the breathtaking and count myself lucky that I have a loving wife. Every now and then I will get a short story published in a magazine or win the odd prize for creative writing, but I always have a nagging feeling that I am relying too much on my wife for economic support (Her shop has closed down and she is now running an online business in knitwear. The annual turnover is in excess of £300,000.) It is then that I realise she is having an affair with her wool supplier. I move out and go and live with John, an old friend from uni, who I haven't seen in years. It turns out he owns an outdoor theatre in Cornwall. I stay at his for a few months before his wife insists, in the most polite terms, that it would be best for everyone if I move out (there's a new baby on the way and she's worried things might get crowded). I move to Chile and start to write ground breaking fiction in the genre of magic realism. I marry an attractive Chilean girl who is many years younger than me, but our love is still true. My work is translated into many languages and I am awarded the Nobel Prize for literature in 2058 and die soon after.

Customer Care

2004-07-28T13:29:00.000+01:00

(Tom) I would just like to congratulate the guy who works in the little shop at the University train station. His customer/shopkeeper banter is excellent and even though the products he sells are grossly over priced he always puts a smile on your face whenever your forced to buy something there. I was quite hung over the other day and really needed to buy a bottle of water (75p) before taking the train to work. He enquired as to how things were going for me and even called me his mate. It quite inspired me to make sure my customer care was up to scratch whilst serving people at AMC where our bottles of water cost £1.40.

The wonders of English

2004-07-27T15:17:00.000+01:00

(John) This may seem obvious (indeed, it is obvious), but it only just occurred to me yesterday that the word 'kneeling' is so called because it involves going on your knees. It never ceases to amaze me that you can speak a word for so long without realising exactly what you're saying. A similar case is the word 'passport', which I'm sure most people just take for granted as a regular word, not thinking that it is so called because it allows you to pass through ports (clever, eh?). While some of you may be reading this thinking that these things are really obvious and not even worth talking about, I am continually amazed by the wonders of our language. Why, for example, do flammable and inflammable mean the same thing? If you resurrect something, have you already surrected it? Why is the plural of cannon cannon? Is something awful really full of awe? Lynne Truss did very well with her book on punctuation in Eats, Shoots and Leaves, but I feel it's time someone wrote a witty, yet also educational, book on the wonders of our vocabulary. What am I doing now I've graduated, you ask? I think I've just found my calling...

Ambiguity

2004-07-23T12:52:00.000+01:00

(John) One of my pet hates is when people use the acronym 'lol', for two reasons: one, because it can mean either 'laugh out loud' or 'lots of love', thus leading me into confusion, and potentially very dangerous minsunderstandings, and two, because it's just really stupid. I mean, does everyone actually laugh out loud every time they write it? It's almost like saying 'I'm so funny, that comment I just said was so hilarious that it actually made me guffaw', lol!

Spirit in the Sky

2004-07-23T12:37:00.000+01:00

(John) I watched a very strange film last night called 'Spirited Away'. Normally at this juncture I would write a review of the film, but, frankly, it defies words. To say that it was slightly odd is like saying that Neil is slightly the Real Deal. I think my enjoyment of the film would have been enhanced had I been taking some illegal substances at the time. For those who have not heard of the film, it is a Japanese cartoon about a little girl who accidentally stumbles into a strange world with lots of strange creatures and goings-on (think The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe on acid). My confusion at the film was not helped by my nearly falling asleep through tiredness several times. Indeed, I actually missed the end as I went to bed. Having said that, even if I had been wide awake, I don't think that the film would make it into my all-time top 10 (or even top 100 for that matter). I've got a feeling Tom has seen the film so perhaps he has a different opinion. Maybe I'm just not cultured enough to understand the deeper meaning of pieces of coal coming to life and giant babies with evil witches as mothers.

Refund

2004-07-22T16:44:00.000+01:00

(Tom) After having a couple of love hearts for breakfast- thanks Neil (they were "True Love" and "Hug Me" by the way) I spent my first day as a 20-year old trying to return the alcohol free beer I had accidently bought the day before. I get the feeling I'm going to be spending a lot of my life tring to rectify the mistakes I made as a teenager. My Mum is fantastic at returning stuff to shops, she is so insistent that she gets her money back that often she'll get a refund with compensation and it won't be that she is returning damaged goods either, if she changes her mind about something or just doesn't like the taste, she'll just bring it back without a shred of embarassement. It was with this in mind that I carried my 6 pack of alcohol free beer, with one missing to the Sainsbury's customer service desk. On explaining my predicament, much to the amusement of two girls waiting behind me in the queue, the lady at the desk said there was really nothing I could do. I said it had a very similar label and that it was an honest mistake. She blatently thought I was just some waster student so she refused any refund cos one had already been drunk. I had already told her I had lost the receipt and she said it was a shame because she would have given me a "Goodwill Gesture". So I went back home and hunted around for this receipt and amazingly found it at the bottom of my bin. I returned triumphantly and much to this lady's surprise demanded my goodwill gesture. Needless to say I got my money back. Look who's laughing now John. HAHA (thats me by the way)

Birthday Debriefing

2004-07-22T16:23:00.000+01:00

Had a great time last night. A-listers included John, Real Deal Neil, Alex, Louise, Glen, Grace, Nick, Milo, Bellie, Esha and Hannah. I finished at AMC at 10:55 and just managed to get back in time for the 11:30 kick off. Once again, I really have to apologise for the antisocial hour. Music was provided by Belle+Sebastian and Zero7. Cake was provided in the form of a hedgehog by John and Alex. The scotch was from Nick's extensive collection and the flapjacks were from Milo. I thought it all went swimmingly apart from 3 rookie mistakes that I made. Firstly I bought non alcoholic beer, then didn't have a lighter for the candles and finally I only had three pieces of cutlery, so people had to eat ice cream by using the cake as a scooping device. I believe it was Alanis Morisette who said that irony is a lot like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife. Well this was worse than irony. Still it was a credit to all my friends for coping so well. Thanks.

To bathe or not to bathe?

2004-07-22T12:50:00.000+01:00

(John) Throughout the ages, man has witnessed many struggles, both physical and mental. However, despite all our technological advances and superior brainpower, the answer to one question, one of these perpetual mental conflicts, still eludes us: shower or bath? Now, some would say that 'capital punishment:yes or no?' or 'women can't navigate; discuss' is a more popular subject of debate, but whereas, with most topics, some people are not going to have an opinion one way or the other, with the shower vs bath debate, it's something we've all had to consider at some point in our lives (apart from those people who just have to settle for a puddle or something, but I'm guessing if people don't have access to a shower/bath, they won't have access to the internet either, and hence won't be reading this). For the last three years, I've had to make do with showers most of the time, except for when I go home, when I can afford to luxuriate in a nice bath, since I haven't lived in places with the cleanest of bathrooms. However, in my new house, I feel confident enough that I won't catch some horrible disease if I have a bath, and so have decided to take baths more regularly. As I was having one yesterday, it really struck home just how much nicer they are than showers. If I were to compare cleansing genres to supermarkets, I would say that showers are the Safeways of the bathroom: gets the job done, but doesn't go that extra mile and you never feel completely able to relax there, you just want to do what you came for and get out, whereas baths are more Marks and Spencer: slightly more sophisticated, you feel happy to spend a while there, and you leave with a nice, warm sensation all over.

Tiverton pool

2004-07-21T16:36:00.000+01:00

(Tom) Tiverton swimming baths never fails to surprise me. I was happily doing lengths in a general swimming session when the lifeguards started blowing up a massive inflatable crocodile and through it in the pool. From then on it was impossible to carry on with my serious swim and I made a quick exit as kids and young adolescents started throwing themselves into the water from this big inflatable reptile. If I were to continue with my 'swimming is a lot like life' analogy, I guess this development would represent old age where everyone goea a bit crazy after spending their life in lanes. Death would be when you get out of the pool. The lifeguards are of course the guardian angels and the 50p deposit for the lockers is like taking out an insurance policy, or maybe it could be your pension. Your birth is when you dive in. When there are no lanes and everyone swims where ever they want- that represents a sort of midlife crisis.

Just like riding a bike

2004-07-21T14:40:00.000+01:00

(John) I made a rather extravagant, but ultimately I hope money-saving, purchase today. I spent £200 on a new bike. When I say 'new' bike, that would suggest I already had an old bike, but in fact, before today, I owned no bike, old or otherwise. What with living in Harborne now, I have found myself getting taxis like it was going out of fashion (tip: taxis are fashionable all year round, they're not just one of these passing fads like legwarmers or shellsuits), due to living too far away to comfortably walk anywhere. Hence, the bike. I have never been an expert bike rider; I only just scraped through my cycling proficiency test at primary school. In fact, in the last 1o years I've been on a bike twice, once when Milo lent me his BMX to ride home from a party a few months ago, and once in France just two weeks ago. Despite this, the old saying has rung true, and indeed riding a bike is just like riding a bike (ie you never forget how to do it). In buying the bike, I also automatically got one month's free membership at a nearby gym, so by the end of the year I'll be buffer than something at the front of a train (such as a buffer).

My Birthday

2004-07-19T12:35:00.000+01:00

(Tom) I got my shifts at the cinema through a couple of days ago and it turns out I'm working till 11:00pm every night this week. Unfortunately its my bday on Wednesday 21st but if anyone is around they are more than welcome to come to 237 Tiverton after about 11:30pm where they will find me enjoying a glass of wine and listening to the chilled out music of Belle+Sebastian and Zero7. It would be great if you could say hi, although I know its very late and also short notice and you're all very busy with Edinburgh preparations.

Swimming

2004-07-18T13:37:00.000+01:00

(Tom) My membership of Tiverton Rd. swimming baths was probably the best investment I have ever made. Its a very friendly pool, with lots of different types of people frequenting it. I really feel like I'm part of the community when I go. Today when I went, they had lane swimming, rather than general swimming. The idea was to chose from either the slow, medium or fast lane based on how confident you were. I started of in the medium lane, but quickley upgraded to fast. There was only one other guy in the fast lane with me and I felt compelled to go faster than him to prove to everyone that I had earned my position in such a prestigious lane. Needless to say I tired myself out and had to take a breather. While I was taking some time out from the hustle and bustle of the pool I realised that chosing which lane to swim in is a lot like choosing a career path where the swimming pool is life and the other swimmers are your competitors. While I was constructing this analogy in my head a curious thing happened, the life guards started to reel in the lane markers, but even with the lane boundaries gone, everyone still swam as if the lanes were still in place. Imaginary lines still divided the swimmers as they obeyed the lane rules even though there was now nothing stopping them from swimming where ever they wanted. It reminded about an article I once read about free range chickens. Apparently, if you want to call your chickens 'free range' you have to let them out of their hutch for at least a few hours each day. Curiously though, one study found that some chickens are so used to their cramped environments that even when the door is opened they will refuse to go outside. In this way battery chickens can be described as free range simply because the farmer opens the door for a few hours each day. Just like the swimmers of Tiverton pool.

Graduation

2004-07-16T14:07:00.000+01:00

(John) When any of you next meet me, I ask you to address me as John, BA with Hons, for I am now a full graduate of Birmingham University. I had my ceremony yesterday, followed by photographs, including the ubiquitous ( I've never used that word before I don't think, is that the right context?) throwing-mortar-boards-in-air shot. I took rather a liking to my gowns and hood, and was tempted to run off without returning them, but in this 1984-esque world we now live in, I'm sure the gown-hire company would have tracked me down like a hound and beaten me to a pulp, so I decided to return them. A little tip for those alcoholics amongst you: each department seems to hold its own drinks reception after their ceremony, and yet no-one checks the people who turn up to these actually did that subject, so you could theoretically just spend the day flitting from reception to reception, getting free glasses of wine and champagne. I have to go now, I hear the medics are holding a drinks recption at the moment...

Solitude

2004-07-14T13:09:00.000+01:00

(Tom) Day three of living on my own with no people or television to amuse me. My solitary existance is starting to take the form of a spiritual journey. I feel I'm getting to know myself more and more as I spend my time thinking about the meaning of things. Next summer I'm going to go on a Buddhist retreat in Tibet. I'm like Steve McQueen in the cooler before he made his great escape. I joined the local swimming baths today- I literally live directly opposite them so I can swim whenever I want for £1.20. It was really conveniant cos I just left my house in my swimming shorts without needing a change of clothes. I didn't have any goggles though and when I got out of the pool, my eyes were almost bleeding with all the chlorine. It looks like its the start of the graduation ceremonies today, just one more year for me.

Summer Employment

2004-07-13T10:55:00.000+01:00

(Tom) Back in Brum as of last Sunday. I am now working long hours at a big American Multiplex known as AMC. My position is that of 'usher', however there is very little 'ushering' to do as everyone seems to know where they're going. I thought I would be the cinema equivolent of a sheep dog, instead I fulfil a sort of shepherd role. Rather than biting at the heels of the customers I calmly watch from afar while chewing on some straw and make sure they don't get eaten by wolves. As with all summer employment, the key is to just keep thinking about the money. The people are really nice, but because AMC is so huge and empty you can go for hours without seeing anyone. You are also not allowed to sit down which is a real shame because I love sitting down. I have now got into the routine of taking a few minutes to sit down before my shift in preparation for all the standing around that comes with the job. When I'm on my shift I disappear into my own little world of thoughts and fears. Lately I have been mentally planning a business recovery programme for AMC which must have a weekly turnover of about £500. I think it places too much faith in the big Hollywood blockbuster. They need to support some independent cinema like the nearby UGC. For instance Michael Moore's new film isn't being shown, there is also no screenings of films that weren't made in either America or England. Its there own fault really. Of course ticket sales should pick up now that I'm working there, but I think its too late. My bankrupcy prediction is set for April next year.

When in France...

2004-07-12T11:31:00.000+01:00

(John) Bonjour tout le monde! I have just got back from my holiday in France this weekend, hence the lack of recent blogs. I had a very nice time, although the last 2 days were two of the most dramatic in my life. On Thursday, despite it being cold and wet, a friend called Luke and I went to the beach, and I came the closest to death I've ever come! We decided to take a swim in the sea, and realised after a while we were quite far out. Soon, it began to hit home that the tide was coming in and we were being dragged further out. There was no-one else on the beach, so a moment of panic set in when I realised there was a chance we may not make it back to shore. To cut a long story short, we eventually made it, but only after several scary moments when I thought my time might be up. As if that wasn't dramatic enough, when I was waiting to get my plane home on Friday (all my other friends took the ferry or the train), it was announced that it had been cancelled so I was faced with the prospect of another night in France, on my own, with nowhere to stay. In the end, I managed to get myself one of the 14 remaining places for a flight at the same time the next day and Ryanair booked me into a hotel for the night (which I had to pay 40 euros for!), so it was OK, and some good came of it as I met a French girl in the same position who it turns out is coming to Birmingham for the summer to be an au pair! We ended up having rooms next to each other in the hotel, going out for dinner that night and spending the whole of the next day together! We're meeting up in Birmingham next week. Every cloud has a silver lining I guess.

Censorship

2004-07-06T13:28:00.000+01:00

Annoyingly, Salisbury library -the only access I have to the internet at the moment- has censored our blogspot. This has prompted me to write a blog on the topic of censorship. Censorship is wrong always. Tom

In the beginning was John...

2004-07-02T14:12:00.000+01:00

(John) Those regular blog-viewers amongst you (and I'm sure there are many) may be wondering just exactly who these mysterious, intelligent, witty, erudite, eloquent people known as Tom and John are. Well, allow me to take this opportnity to flesh out some of the details about myself. I was born on a cold night in the early years of the ninth decade of the twentieth century after the birth of Christ in a small stationary shop on the outskirts of Leamington Spa. My early years were somewhat hectic, moving from place to place in a small caravan, my family making a living first as gypsies the as a family of clowns. Finally, guided by a message from the stars, we settled in a town by the brook near the rickety bridge where I took an interest in gherkins and became fixated with the number 7. Following the death of both my parents in a bizarre gardening accident, I took to the streets and attempted to create a new language which could make me millions. Once this enterprise fell through, I was forced to return to school, where I began to excell at Hebrew. However, just when it seemed I would be able to make a living as a scholar of Hebrew, Aramaic and Sanskrit, I was hit by a pony and trap whilst crossing the road, an accident which severely affected my personality. Consequently, I took the bizarre decision to attend university, where I met a man named Tom. The rest, as they say, is history.

Top 5 Actors

2004-07-02T13:51:00.000+01:00

(John) In ascending order: 5. Kevin Spacey- his performance in The Usual Suspects captures the audience's attention from first to last and he also delivers excellent performances in American Beauty, Seven and LA Confidential. 4. Robert De Niro- see Tom's blog for more. 3. Samuel L. Jackson- the King of Cool. Who else could make Barclays adverts so enthralling? 2. James Stewart- the ultimate Everyman actor. Whether playing an obsessive policeman in Vertigo, a suicidal family man in It's a Wonderful Life or an overly-nosey photographer in Rear Window, Stewart never fails to elicit sympathy in the viewer. 1. Steve McQueen- the Original King of Cool. Men want to be him, women want to be with him. No other actor brings such screen presence and charisma to a film. He may never have had the most challenging roles to play, but he rung all the raw emotion he could get out of his parts.

Top 5 Robert De Niro Films

2004-06-29T18:27:00.000+01:00

1. Heat- stars alongside Al Pacino in a film that crosses back and forth across the thin blue line to such an extent that by the end of the film you can't decide which side of the law should win. 2. Goodfellas- I think Heat and Goodfellas may be my favorite films of all time. By logical extrapolation, De Niro must be my favorite actors. As I've said before, Martin Scorsese' direction forces you to question your morality in much the same way as 'Heat' but maintains a darkly comic touch. 3. Taxi Driver- Stars a 13yr old Jodie Foster who plays a prostitute. Travis Bickle is the ultimate flawed hero. Very dark. The audience never gets to understand Travis emotionally, there is no reference to his youth and his parents are left unmentioned, except for a couple of letters that get read out in one of Travis' voice overs. Nevertheless, I found myself rooting for him by the end, even though he has an unhealthy love of guns (You looking at me?) and a scary, obsessive personality. 4.The Deer Hunter- Beautifully shot. Great Russian roulette scene. Once again, De Niro plays a character with whom, the audience finds it difficult to empathise, yet still commands the audience's sympathy. 5. Ronin- Great film, although Leon was better. I would like to say at this juncture that I have never seen Awakenings or Raging Bull, so this list may change over the next few weeks. Tom